Kamis, 23 Desember 2010

Photo_Ria every where





yesterday me and my friends went to the library rara my campus center, because many tasks before the semester exams,, got confused on where the library because the building was also used for lectures, (haha I have not been to the central library).
and after only borrow 2 books, I came home and berpoto in the hall way to the central library...

Rabu, 01 Desember 2010

MY B'DAY

Uwaaaa. . . 1 December!!
I was 20 years old now I've run aground and full of responsibility,.hehe
Wash to meet with my hubby.
Since the day I proposed last week by Doni and I Am very happy because I consciously accept it. Hehe

My time to become mature and serious relationship began to love Doni as a prospective wife.
No more childish trait. This time I got up and hold ourselves to be stronger because I've grown.

Hapeful at the age of maturity before it is.
- I hope this relationship blessing by ALLAH SWT.
- my parents happy reply to all servis my self for small sampai sedewasa ini, without them I could never breathe now.
- quickly graduated from college and get a very satisfactory quality of life.

Jumat, 19 November 2010

Eid Al Adha





"paris hijab, cardigan by Nevada, white-batik mini drez bought @ PGS, J.J jeans and unbranded shoes"


on 17 yesterday was eidul adha feast in which all Muslims celebrate "kurban",, and l'm holidays just for 2 days but it was very less,, hehe
wandering holidays I visited my best friend is his Son and we are having fun


xoxoxox

Kamis, 18 November 2010

The Dark Side (deep inside)

When two sides are fused in a second etenity in the deepest of this self. When it also never again in can think only about the dark, about the tragedy of the past and all the painful transition is in the heart of this hypocrisy and faithfulness when the shackles of its own so the livers can be separated from this gloom, smelling feeling dark again. I survive from all the threats my dark side.,

And always just looking for peace on the basis of apparent heart who loved you without a reality that does not mean the self-hate about this and about the dark you now.

Senin, 15 November 2010

Life be Alive

This is the first time in 3 years I Felt myself more alive and free,.I feel myself and happy cause there is a friend to help me motivate myself and I Know I'm not going work but because the relaxation of her.
Aura in me now brighter and I really Love "ALLAH" cause without ridhonya I'll not be able to rise from the arrest of 3 years. I could let go and give up everything with sincerity and try to positive thinking. I'll start a new life with a more cheersful and happy. :-)

What happened in the past let it be passed receive a bitter reality that is not too bad and I dont want to remember it all.


Last monday I and classmates held a photo fun on campus. So sweet, because I rarely want to know others and for now at least I Have to socialize and gather a lot of friends, because that can only help us are friends.
Open ourselves to other people is fun and eager to manifest what I want about my life from now on.
"no one who can drop you unless you are letting" it has to be embedded in my memory.
At least I'm trying to became a better person and can stand alone
Hehe


There is no picture no fashion is still busy with coursework. Hehe
I prefer to view fashion blog hijab-ers yeah because it is an inspiration to me.
Hehe

--Keep Fight Blog Hopping!!--

Kamis, 11 November 2010

OI HOLLA

Hi,.
Finally my blog can be opened as well, two days of confusion I remamber my email password,.hehe

owh,.HI
how are you all??
been a month I didn't update the blog that this simple but very meaningful to my life. This is where the story of my life where I think my life is very precious and very necessary for the capture., hehe

By the way for one month I was very busy college many tasks and activities that must be implemented,. Let alone this week so the brain and inner torment me.
yeah because of midterms and again there are many problems of my personal in my life.
which is about departure of someone that I love of my life. hehe
always pray for him (but I dont want to discuss him) hehe

ammmm. . . .
and awaits the day on 17 ron IDUL AD'HA later not want to Sholat together patiently and eat the meat hehe

-CAW-

Jumat, 08 Oktober 2010

AND NOW ENOUGH !!!!!!!!

Destruction of the very deep feeling when you come back into my life, when I decided to forget you
and now you torture me every day without any crack for me to breathe
I love you all but I could never survive in your torment.
I have tried every way I'd never hurt but because of you all be in vain, I hate you BABI love it because my pain.
I'll try again, try to get up and forget everything painful about me, you know I never loved anyone but yourself, and always still love you but not for your pain.

wait, loved and survived for three years with you were tired. hope you will always be with me,.
Your ignorance could kill me

AND NOW ENOUGH !!!!!!!!

I will be able to even though I do not want
I believe that without you I will live and very lively, without suffering, without depression and without blame myself. I love you BI

Rabu, 29 September 2010

fun


yay!!
student orientation period is over, it is time to be a responsible student,, ho ho ho
well, yesterday one week is an exhausting period of orientation for 3 days out bond in Purwodadi, and fun!
do not bathe and clubbing in the middle of the forest hehehee

and harisenin of 27 lectures have started and my schedule is full,, job duties began to arrive hehehe

well yesterday when we were on our campus orientation dentuk lhuu group, named SAKURA compact and we also get together very often,, hehehe

Rabu, 15 September 2010

Still Cant thinking

Assalamualaikum

Was midnight and I Still can't sleep,.dizzy always
Haft. . .
Selalu begini,.aku benar benar tidak bisa berfikir sekarang,.masa lalu tentang kesuraman itu selalu membayangiku.
Kapan aku akan sembuh??aku lelah berbohong demi kebaikanku.
Aku sangat ingat ketika aku harus mencoba melakukan bunuh diri 2 tahun lalu dan mencobanya lagi tahun lalu ketika aku mengalami tekanan batin.

Ammmm. . .
Okey,.aku menderita kelainan saraf setelah aku mengalami depresi berlebihan,.itu sebabnya aku harus berbohong.
Dan tak mau lagi kembali ke kehidupanku yang gothic dan kelam itu.
Sampai sekarang aku tak bisa berfikir secara rasional.
Haft!!!

Okey,.Tiga tahun yang lalu aku mulai mengenal kehidupan remajaku dan aku masi belum mengerti,,kelas dua SMA Aku yakin aku benar benar tertekan,.entah apa yang membuatku seperti itu,.aku mulai menyesali diri dan begitu bersalah, dan aku benar benar tidak bisa berfikir,.sampai akhirnya aku begitu tertekan dan melakukan percobaan bunuh diri, dan parahnya lagi aku tetap tidak bisa mengerti diriku dan itu membutku lelah.
Dan aku tetap tak ingin orang tau betapa anehnya aku.
Help me!!
I need someone to find me now.,.

Aku masih tak bisa menangani kepanikanku,.mungkin dulu waktu aku kelas dua SMA Ada seseorang yang bisa mendengarku,.and I call him "Babi" dia mendengar tanpa bertanya,.dan tetap tak mempercayaiku, dan itu yang sangat ku harapkan, kini mungkin aku mengecewakan dia lagi, seandainya dia tahu kalau aku mencintainya bukan dari segala yang dia punya tapi aku mencintainya dari segala yang dia fikirkan.
Ammm. . .
Forget it,.aku tak ingin memilikinya, aku yakin!!

Sekarang aku semakin kurus, wajahku tak secerah dulu, aku begitu menyedihkan, pantasnya orang membenciku.

Aku mencoba mengerti diriku,meyakini segalanya dan aku bingung memulai dari mana??
Seandainya ada seorang pskiater yang mengerti betapa hampanya aku, mungkin aku tertolong. Dan aku ingin diriku yang menolongku.

"ya allah,.bukalah fikiranku,.agar aku bisa lebih dewasa walaupun itu sulit bagiku tapi aku akan berusaha dengan ridho mu ya allah,.aku ingin sembuh."
Amien

Aku benar benar ingin sembuh.

Kamis, 02 September 2010

I HATE ME

Aku membenci diriku
Ketika aku tak bisa mengertiku dalam kediamanku
Aku benci diriku
Ketika aku memikirkan betapa hancurnya diriku

Tak pernah tahu tentang apa apa dan tak pernah mengerti tentang segalanya
Itu membuatku buta bagai melihat dalam gelap

Kapan aku bisa mengerti tentang dalamnya diriku
Jika aku hanya bisa diam tanpa berfikir

Ingin rasanya membenturkan kepala ini
Dengan apa apa yang bisa membuatku berguna

Dalam diamku
Dalam Pikirku
Aku kosong
Tanpa tangisku
Tanpa hatiku
Hanya diam yang membuatku kalut

I hate me

I HATE ME

Aku membenci diriku
Ketika aku tak bisa mengertiku dalam kediamanku
Aku benci diriku
Ketika aku memikirkan betapa hancurnya diriku

Tak pernah tahu tentang apa apa dan tak pernah mengerti tentang segalanya
Itu membuatku buta bagai melihat dalam gelap

Kapan aku bisa mengerti tentang dalamnya diriku
Jika aku hanya bisa diam tanpa berfikir

Ingin rasanya membenturkan kepala ini
Dengan apa apa yang bisa membuatku berguna

Dalam diamku
Dalam Pikirku
Aku kosong
Tanpa tangisku
Tanpa hatiku
Hanya diam yang membuatku kalut

I hate me

Senin, 30 Agustus 2010

My soul or My mind

Haft. . .
Kemaren malam minggu bisa ketemu walaupun cuma bentar,.hah
Aku harus coba melupakan dia lagi mulai saat ini.
Lelahnya menanti orang yang gak cinta kita memang berat, aku coba jalan sendiri, fokus latihan yoga.

Sebenarnya aku terlalu mencintainya sampai akalku pun tak pernah menyadari sampai mamaku bilang dia tak sayang aku seharusnya aku lebih membuka diri untuk orang lain lagi, masih banyak hal yang harus dipikirkan biar aku tak menderita lagi,. Bener juga kata mama, mulai sekarang aku harus bisa bersikap dewasa, dan gak kayak cewek umur 17 tahun pengidap kelainan otak yang menyedihkan. Aku tahu aku mampu hanya saja egoku takut untuk berfikir rasional.

Apa aku harus ke psikiater lagi yah??
Gak deh aku gak gila juga gitu,.aku cuma terlalu introvert! Sekarang aku harus lebih bisa menata masa depan dengan lebih bener deh.

Ammmm. . .
Bukan karna urusan yang bisa aku atasi layaknya putus cinta,.tapi ini beda gitu,.tapi gak papa juga lah.
Nurut mama
Keep fight!!

Sem0ga aku bisa,.aku awali dengan bismillah, "ya allah jika ini jalanmu aku pasrah,aku kurang bersyukur atas segala nikmatmu ya allah, hanya aku yang bisa merubah hidupku dan itu juga karna ridho mu ya allah,semoga aku selalu ada dalam pelukanmu. Amien "

Jumat, 20 Agustus 2010

photoshoot in the back of the house



This is my potoshoot taken by my sister yesterday in the back of the house. first I did not know have to use anything, but after a mix n match dress and everything in my closet finally meet the right deh

see the veil of obscure style haha,, this is inspired by browsing on google, but could bingungsih ajalah try and become like this,, not bad hohoho

Harus Bagaimana?

Bersama,.
Tapi tak ber-asa
Sendiri
Kau tak peduli
Mencintaimu sangat,.
Kau tak peduli
Kadang lelah
Kadang senang
Ini cinta menyiksa
Benar tak terbalas
Mengejar begitu lama tak jua kau ada

Lelah mengertimu
Lelah menunggumu
Harus bagaimana??
Sulitnya aku tak melihatmu

Benar kau menyiksaku dengan cintaku

Menjauhimu perlahan
Sakit rasa
Tak pikirkanmu
Dosa rasa
Harus bagaimana??

Terlalu salah aku merasa,.
Lelah denganmu
Biar sendiri
Usaha tak peduli

Gresik
In my bed and think about you

Rabu, 18 Agustus 2010

Dear GOD

Wuaaaah. . . .
Hari ini aku penuh dengan pencerahan betapa tidak hidup dengan jilbab membuatku lebih berhati tentram,.seharian selalu mengucap "astagfirullah" puasa kali ini penuh rahmat.
Aku membongkar buku lamaku semasa di SMA Dan menemukan buku agama islam,.membaca kembali dan membolak balik,.aku merasa menyesal karna aku menyiayiakan buku penuh pelajaran.

Saat aku membaca bab tentang sifat sifat terpuji aku sangat menyesal,.selama ini belum melakukan hal yg terpuji cause i'm not a perfect person but aku selalu ingin mencoba menjadi yang terbaik,.aku menc├Čntaimu tuhan (ALLAH) Aku menyesal tak bersama dan mengingatmu dulu,.ampuni aku.


Selama beberapa hari ramadhan aku coba mendekatkan diriku,.membaca apa yang aku rasa perlu dari ketertinggalanku mengenal jauh agamaku,.berusahalah mencari pahala
Hehe

Semangat!!!
Thankz god

Selasa, 17 Agustus 2010

Dairy daily

Wah
Malam ini ngerasa hampa banget ya,padahal dirumah lagi rame
Ammm. . .
Masi kepikiran Babi (astagfirullah) tapi biyarlah bukan couoku gini (cinta tak terbalas) haha
Kadang mengejar seseorang itu susah yah,. Ammm apa aku egois ya?
Atau terlalu perasa?

Senin, 16 Agustus 2010

Lets hijab style








ammmm
This is my first hijab style, I had to unpack all the contents of my closet to mix and match my style
hehe
and look at this




I wear a hijab paris,, my mom's dress, unbranded belt, tights and YK shoe gogirl

Minggu, 08 Agustus 2010

my day

Ramadan is coming, and my new school year in college will begin this month hikz: '((can not vacation)
The most striking and my mom made me wear the headscarf during college (OMG I'm not ready)

and I should think I have to wear what to the campus!
huft,,, browse and view his blog users hijab, hohoho

okay actually I have not fully prepared because I did not want to be viewed by anyone hypocrite if I was covered but my behavior is still not fully well (okay I'm not perfect) but I will try to become a better Muslim as a person.

today I went to Surabaya to take care of the state university college and I should be disappointed because no one's there (well fool I was not aware of the day week hehe)
and way way to the Royal plaza just want to buy Gogirl Magz but not outstanding so I already bought Marie claire (I'm still 19 years old) and it did not disappoint teryata haha and bonuses as well (make-up case)

okay good day

Selasa, 13 Juli 2010

Shopping






yesterday me and my cousin sister to the Royal Plaza to go shopping, I use Nevada tee, denim skirt from urbanoutfitters and TOPSHOP tight,,

Kamis, 24 Juni 2010

Expression




his day took some photos with my best friend at the factory,, hehe
she is deny,, and tadaaaaa














I think this is very nice vacation time because I spend my time with the apprentice in a factory and every payday I can spend my money, yes god is my hard work hahaha

I was also able to socialize with different kinds of people and nature, and fun is not ?????




Sabtu, 19 Juni 2010

yay!!

wuuuuuuaaaaahhh .....
yesterday I chat with Natalia Chrissandy (she is my favorite blogger fashion) messages via Facebook I really like her!!
I asked about my body issues, and she's a savior!!
hehehe
it seems I have to always update deh.
haha

ammmm

I think this is the worst fashion blog world, but I do not care about anyone reading or not, the important thing I'm happy
hehehe

and this is
Natalia Chrissandy

Minggu, 30 Mei 2010

hang out













bolero, necklace ; http://www.dendezshop.blogspot.com



yay!!
Okey

this morning to go hang out with high school friends to the Supermall and I think using simple clothing is very interesting although just eating it
hehe
happy today


Kamis, 20 Mei 2010

to God

dear god

hi god, I'm going to tell you about the events of this day .i'm breakup and can not work,
good stories about the terrible problem I had, julie (not anymore) left me for another woman, it's like shortness of breath and choking, yes I h
currents forget him.
now the good news, I got a job that could bussy every day which is to become one of the administrative staff at the factory, hehehe
to college in september. hehehe

I'm happy ....
thank god ..

Jumat, 14 Mei 2010











urban jugle tee,Dendezshop skirt ,sophie paris




yay!
This is the coolest photos,, ammmm ...... actually this photo was taken behind my house
hehehe
beautiful is not ???????????
thankful I was born in Indonesia
This is the most simple makeup that I use,, from the urban jungle of white shirts, and skirts motif works deny Bastian (dendezshop). and I like it, very simple and very simple,,, hehehe

Rabu, 12 Mei 2010

My first blog

hi guys
yay!
This is my first blog,, a bit confused .. hohoho
actually I do not know what to write anything,
but I want to follow the blog hopping
waaaah, I can only speak a little English, I have to use the google translation application (very embarrassed)

hehe